Funny Fortune Cookies

• You may break a leg today
• The fortune you seek is in another cookie
• Time to switch sides
• You are surrounded by dump people
• Time to duck...or eat it
• The fortune cookies are better at Mongolian BBQ
• The food is better at Mongolian BBQ
• The government monitors these fortune cookies
• Don't eat here or you will become very sick
• Found your partner on craigslist and s/he was not selling puppies
• That wasn't chicken
• The ocean would be deeper without sponges
• I know your IP...watching what you are doing
• Catch your credit...it is out of control
• Never tease a little person with a high five
• Look for the exit...now
• Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life
• Don't you wish money were in this cookie
• The end is near...it is all your fault
• You will die alone with just your hand
• A new wardrobe would improve your appearance...probably not your confidence
• Taxes are fun if you are already rich
• Your panties are in a bunch
• You are so full of shit your eyes are brown
• Keep it in your pants
• Keep your mouth closed while chewing
• Body deodorant is cheap...use it
• Use your head for more than a hat rack
• Tease a snowflake today
• The sun won't shine tomorrow
• Think before you speak
• Matching socks are a good idea
• Do something today...besides stuff your face